Deep inside my heart ....was a secret which stayed with me for years and never been revealed. Stayed fully unaware for me but still being part of me. Life has so many secrets yet to be revealed either inside me &/or outside me. It does revel appropriately at appropriate time.
Tuesday 10th February 2010, early morning 4.00AM I got off the bed feeling heavy pain in my chest with wild heart beating. It grew & creating pain & panic. Even after 1 hour it didn’t go away. I was rushed to cardio hospital immediately in my neighbor car (somehow didn’t go for ambulance....:-)).The pain continued in hospital till 6.30AM and with medicine it was subdued.
After test and consultation it revealed.....I have a heart wall (wall which separates my left part of the heart from right side of the heart) which is bit thick & creating this wild heart beating. It seems I had this from childhood but it has revealed itself only now.
Those 2.3 hours of pain has been an amazing experience. If I take out pain and panic which were incidental to the experience .It was a true introspection moment. Especially last 1.3 hours of the episode. Like concept of ' Last Lecture' this was an hour of 'Last thinking time'. The question which popped out of my mind was ……….' have I made enough provision for my family in case of eventuality?'....' Have I lived my dreams and done all that I can and I wanted of doing'. Answers which I got were very positive. I believe those answers because it came at that hour of my life where I was driving towards what I perceived to be either end of the road or just 90 degree turns which doesn’t appear until you reach the end. But during that 2.3 hrs. I was moving so fast either I cash at the dead end or take a speedy right turn. With god’s grace and prayer of my well-wishers I took speedy and safe right turn.
After echo test I was admitted to Intensive care unit for 24 hours observation. As it was a stepped down ICU, the ‘ flow’ of patients was pretty high…..J . In the beginning I had 48 year old lady in coma in my next bed. Now and then I was getting glimpse of her condition. She died that day.
On my other side was the closed window. Outside the window was resting place for pigeon. I observed 2 pigeons which kept landing on the parapet wall of the window pretty often. They used to play and romance. The romance part was very interesting. They used to open their wing fully and kiss each other with beak……Very romantic and picturesque.
I dint wanted to make the news of health known to my friends and relatives. As it creates unnecessary attention, which most of you know, I am not comfortable with. That day was working day and I had a visitor from Singapore. He was made known about my reason for not been able to meet him. His next stop of meeting was at my earlier company where I worked…………J. Everyone who need to know and I don’t want it to be known has been made aware of. My friends started calling in and not to mention my office.
Next day morning they allowed visitors in. My wife was the first one to come in. She was wearing my favorite sari and looking fresh. She told me, she was not in positive mind. But she knew I will not take this negatively………so she made it a point to take it positively and support me. I believe I was half cured at that movement.
As I introspected more on this during the day…………I was feeling more positive and energized. It was a clear combination of pure fear and contentment. I wanted to talk to my coach. I requested for his time. The discussion did help me to clarify the clutter. It was a combination of pure fear and contentment……both pushing me at that moment towards future. I felt lighter with clear mind.
I must mention this. My wife stayed with me all along. After I being shifted to private ward from ICU…………myself and my wife spent those Friday, Saturday & Sunday together. It was like renewal of our love. It’s been long time we spent time like that……with kids and work……..we didn’t had much opportunity to spend time together for long time. It was very very very romantic. 2 days of heart to heart discussion and just having time for just ourselves was great.
I had my friend visit me on Sunday directly from church and he offered his prayers at my ward also. It was very moving. I had my friends visiting me to and supporting me was supportive.
I got my Angiogram done on Monday early morning. It was clean chit. There was no Blockage. Doctor confirmed to me………….there is nothing to worry as it genetical in nature and it has got activated at an age ( yep..I am getting old!!!). So life will go on as usual and some medications are added.
Overall………..this was a WOW experience. Amazing and revealing.
I must thank all the well-wishers for their prayers.
While posting this on my blog………I saw this quote from Bhagavat Gita “There is nothing lost or wasted in this life.”
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